The high prevalence of couple conflict and marital breakdown causes considerable suffering to the individuals involved, and where there are offspring, to the children as well. The realisation that couple conflict is not about what happens between the partners but what is happening within each of them as individuals is the principal theme of this book. As long as people view couple conflict as being about the relationship between individuals, rather than within each person, breakdown is the inevitable outcome. This book demonstrates the potential for all breakdowns to become breakthroughs.
Dr Tony Humphreys is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist, author and national and international speaker. He is also designer and director of two courses on communication and self-realisation and relationship mentoring. Since 1990 he has been working in private practice in Ireland. Dr Helen Ruddle is a Psychologist with two main strands to her work-life. Presently her work primarily is with individuals in private practice along with University-level programme development and authorship of books.
INTRODUCTION CHAPTER ONE Breakdown To Breakthrough * Waymarkers On The Way To Breakthrough * The Impact Of The First Couple Relationship * We Are Always Creative * The Conscious Relationship Is The Fulfilled Relationship * Being Together With Yourself: The Crucial Breakthrough * Everything That Comes From The Other Is About The Other * The Way To Breakthrough Is Paved With Metaphor * Where You Are Is Where You Need To Be * Each Couple Has Its Own Particular Path CHAPTER TWO What Is This Thing Called Love? * What Is Love? * What Is Falling In Love About? * The Power Of Attraction * What Are Lust And Desire About? CHAPTER THREE Early Interruptions * Early Relationships: The Start Of The Path To Intimacy * The Impact Of Early Interruptions * Early Strategies For Surviving Interruptions * The Power Of Our Protective Strategies CHAPTER FOUR Did I Get To Meet Myself Before I Met You? * Your Relationship With Yourself: The Crucial Issue * Degrees Of Being Present: To Yourself, To The Other * Current Interruptions In Your Relationship With Yourself * Uncovering Current Interruptions In The Relationship With Yourself CHAPTER FIVE Did I Know What I Was Looking For? * Seeking A Partner From Old Interruptions * Uncovering The Hidden Agenda * The Power Of Projections And Introjections CHAPTER SIX Where Are We Now As A Couple? * The Past Is In The Present * Making Connection With The Felt Experience Of The Child * Querying Where You Are As A Couple * In What Ways Is The Past Being Repeated In The Present? * What Unmet Needs From The Past Remain Unmet In The Present? * What Am I Seeking From The Other That I Need To Be Giving To Myself? * What Am I Doing For The Other That I Need To Be Doing For Myself? * How Do I Want The Other To Be That I Am Afraid Of Being Myself? * To What Degree Have I Remained Enmeshed With My Parents? * What Particular Protective Responses Are Manifesting In The Relationship? * To What Degree Am I Taking Conscious Responsibility For My Own Life? CHAPTER SEVEN Breakthrough To Being Me * Safe Holding Is Crucial To Breakthrough From Interruptions Safe Holding for the Different Expressions of Self * Safe Holding: Releasing The Power Of The Interruption * The Ultimate Safe Holding Is Within Yourself Separateness is a Crucial Dimension of Safe Holding * Daring To Say The Unsayable Saying the Unsayable: the Interruption of the Affair Saying the Unsayable: the Interruption of Violence * Seeking Outside Safe Holding CHAPTER EIGHT How Do We Get It Together Now? * Getting It Together Now * You Always Are Where You Need To Be * Uncovering The Metaphor Underlying Present Interruptions * Finding The Loving Response * Waymarkers On The Road To Rapture CHAPTER NINE Where Do I Go From Here? * Relationship With Yourself: The Only Way To Go * A Relationship With Yourself: What Does That Mean? * Safeguarding Your Wellbeing * Your Felt Experience: The Key Information For Your Wellbeing * Every Hair On Your Head Is Counted * Returning To The Truths Of Who You Really Are * Telling It Like It It CHAPTER TEN Have I Found What I'm Looking For? * The Quest For The Sacred Marriage * A Sense Of Spirit * Love Is Always Present * The Deeper Knowing That We Possess * Our Awesome Creativity Resources About the Authors