Do you ever feel like you're talking to a brick wall?The first step in persuading anyone to do anything is getting them to hear you out. But whether the person is a cynical colleague, furious customer, or overwhelmed spouse, their emotional barriers may be blocking your message. And if you can't break through, you can't move forward.
Just Listen has helped tens of thousands of people tear down walls and establish productive communication. In this landmark book, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals simple, proven techniques for moving people from resistance to consensus, explaining how to:
Make even a total stranger - perhaps a potential client - feel "felt"
Shift an angry or aggressive person into a calmer, more receptive state
Use empathy jolts to quickly bridge communication gaps
Turn negative people into assets using the "Magic Paradox"
Achieve buy-in, the linchpin of all negotiation, persuasion, and sales
Barricades between people become barriers to success and happiness, so getting through is not just a fine art - it's a crucial skill. With Just Listen, readers learn how to transform the "impossible" and "unreachable" people in their lives into true allies, loyal customers, and lifelong friends.
Mark Goulston is a business consultant, coach, speaker, psychiatrist, and former FBI hostage negotiation trainer. The author of Get Out of Your Own Way and other popular books, he blogs for Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Business Insider, and The Huffington Post.
CONTENTS Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi xiii Preface to the Paperback Edition xv Acknowledgments xvii SECTION I The Secret to Reaching Anyone 1 1 Who's Holding YOU Hostage? 3 2 A Little Science: How the Brain Goes from "No" to "Yes" 14 SECTION II The 9 Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone 25 3 Move Yourself from "Oh F#@& to OK" 27 4 Rewire Yourself to Listen 36 5 Make the Other Person Feel "Felt" 45 6 Be More Interested Than Interesting 55 7 Make People Feel Valuable 64 8 Help People to Exhale Emotionally and Mentally 69 9 Check Your Dissonance at the Door 77 10 When All Seems Lost-Bare Your Neck 87 11 Steer Clear of Toxic People 94 SECTION III 12 Easy-to-Use Tools for Achieving Buy-in and Getting Through 109 12 The Impossibility Question 111 13 The Magic Paradox 116 14 The Empathy Jolt 123 15 The Reverse Play, Empathy Jolt #2 132 16 "Do You Believe That?" 138 17 The Power of "Hmmm. . . ." 142 18 The Stipulation Gambit 150 19 From Transaction to Transformation 155 20 Side by Side 163 21 Fill in the Blanks 170 22 Take It All the Way to "No" 176 23 The Power Thank You and Power Apology 180 SECTION IV Fast Fixes for 7 Challenging Situations 187 24 The Team from Hell 189 25 Climbing the Ladder 194 26 The Narcissist at the Table 197 27 Stranger in Town 200 28 The Human Explosion 204 29 Getting Through to Yourself 209 30 Six Degrees of Separation 215 Afterword 221 Index 223 About the Author 231 Keynotes/Workshops 233