You may be too late to take up pole dancing and the closest thing you get to extreme sports these days is prising the top off a ketchup bottle.
On the bright side, you can now lie back and take it easy - just not so far back that you can't get up again. And it's only 20 years before you get that telegram from the Queen!
Mike Haskins is a comedy writer. He has written for Alistair McGowan, Dead Ringers, Simon Pegg, Smack the Pony, and Steve Coogan, and has worked closely with Griff Rhys Jones on Smith and and Jones, amongst others. Clive Wichelow is a journalist and comedy writer. He has written for Jonathan Ross, Rory Bremner, Spitting Image, and many others as well as for the Daily Express, the Daily Mirror, and the Mail on Sunday.