Let's face it, we all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? How do you talk to someone who's out of control? What can you do with a boss who bullies, a spouse who yells, or a friend who frequently bursts into tears?
In his book, Just Listen, Mark Goulston shared his bestselling formula for getting through to the resistant people in your life. Now, in his breakthrough new book Talking to Crazy, he brings his communication magic to the most difficult group of all - the downright irrational.
As a psychiatrist, Goulston has seen his share of crazy and he knows from experience that you can't simply argue it away. The key to handling irrational people is to learn to lean into the crazy - to empathize with it. That radically changes the dynamic and transforms you from a threat into an ally. Talking to Crazy explains this counterintuitive Sanity Cycle and reveals why people act the way they do, how instinctive responses can exacerbate the situation and what to do instead, when to confront a problem and when to walk away, how to use a range of proven techniques including Time Travel, the Fishbowl, and the Belly Roll.
You can't reason with unreasonable people - but you can reach them. This powerful and practical book shows you how.
Mark Goulston, M.D., is a top psychiatrist, consultant, coach, and business advisor. The author of Just Listen and Get Out of Your Own Way, he is featured frequently in major media.
CONTENTS Acknowledgments SECTION 1 The Basics of Talking to Crazy 1 Understanding Crazy 2 Recognizing How Crazy Happens 3 Spotting an Irrational Person's M.O. 4 Knowing When to Talk to Crazy and When to Walk Away SECTION 2 Facing Your Own Crazy First 5 Pinpointing Your Own Crazy 6 Keeping Your Own Crazy at Bay When You're Under Attack 7 Regrouping When Crazy Wins SECTION 3 Fourteen Tactics for Talking to Crazy 8 The Belly Roll: Putting the Irrational Person "in Charge" to Defuse a Tense Situation 9 The A-E-U Technique: Highly Effective-But Scary 10 Time Travel: Getting an Irrational Person to Stop Dwelling on the Past and Focus Instead on the Future 11 The Eye of the Hurricane: Finding the Sane Inside the Crazy 12 Digging Down to Disappointment: Dealing with Emotional People Who Don't Really Mean What They're Saying 13 The Fishbowl: Bringing an Irrational Person's Mirror Neurons into Play 14 The Split Second: How to Handle an Irrational Person Who's Playing You Against Someone Else 15 The Three L's: Helping an Irrational Person Cope with Extreme Fear 16 The Butter-Up: Getting a Know-It-All to Behave 17 Executive Order: Getting a Martyr to Accept Help 18 Coup Contrecoup: Turning an Irrational Person's M.O. to Your Own Advantage 19 The Kiss-Off (and the Gentle Kiss-Off): Saying No to a Manipulator 20 Frenemies: Handling a "Toxic Deflector" at Work 21 I Know What You're Hiding: Getting a Sociopath out of Your Life SECTION 4 Eight Ways to Deal with Crazy in Your Personal Life 22 You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling? Handling Your Mutual Crazy in a Relationship 23 Shock Absorber: Getting Through to an Emotional Partner 24 Copy Cat: Getting a Strong-and-Silent Partner to Talk 25 Child A or Child B? Going Through a Divorce Without Wrecking Your Kids for Life 26 "What's the Worst Thing for You?" Being There for a Parent, Partner, or Child in Pain 27 The Reconnect: Healing a Broken Relationship with an Adult Child 28 The Assumptive Close: Getting an Aging Parent to Accept Help 29 The Four H's and Four R's: Rebuilding a Personal Relationship After an Irrational Person Breaks It SECTION 5 What to Do When Crazy Is Actually Mental Illness 30 Where to Turn When Crazy Is Above Your Pay Grade 31 How to Get the Person to Say Yes to Getting Help 32 What to Do if You Think Someone May Be Suicidal 33 Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: Preventing the Next Sandy Hook Epilogue Index