`Every birthday I wonder if the year to come will be my last, and I'm filled with a certain element of surprise that I am actually still alive. `The letters that follow are the things I really want to say in the event of my death. Some are things I haven't dared to say, felt confident enough to say, or just not got around to. They are to particular individuals - some of them are close friends, some are people I vaguely know, a couple are to people I have never even met. `I'd be interested to hear their replies.'